Queen and Latifa


She Really Likes Me!

Posted on March 24, 2011 at 7:19 PM Comments comments (0)

My aforementioned houseguest Andy left today, and I was actually really quite sad was about it. Considering what an isolationist I can often be and that I have lived on my own for the best part of a decade (except for an ill-advised 6 months with an ex-boyfriend that was sort of imposed upon me rather than by choice – long story!), this actually surprised me. However, Andy’s month(ish) long stay has made me discover something about my princess that I didn’t know up until now.


The diva kitty, however much she might actually try to hide it with her diva antics and façade of indifference, actually enjoys, nay craves, human company!


Here’s the evidence:

Every workday, I leave her alone in the flat for somewhere between 7 and 9 hours. When I get back, I am greeted with much meowing and purring and cat headbutts and fuss. I’d always assumed that it was merely begging for treats rather than actually wanting my company, but I was wrong.

With Andy in the flat all day, she no longer immediately greeted me upon my arrival home despite the fact that he didn’t give her treats at any point during the day! However, she would spend large amounts of the day sat with/ on him.


I rest my case!


‘Tifa, you’ve been rumbled!


M x

Don't Mess With The Lady Of The House!

Posted on March 7, 2011 at 6:48 PM Comments comments (0)

My friend Andy is crashing at mine for a fortnight or so, and I warned him about ‘Tifa’s ways and that while he’s staying, it’s very much her home that he is the guest in, not mine. Some friends tend to doubt some of the stuff that I’ve posted on this blog over the years, suggesting that I exaggerate ‘Tifa’s temperament for cheap laughs or that she ‘really isn’t as much of a diva as you portray’. I promise that I don’t.


One particular warning that I gave Andy was that he shouldn’t touch her back legs because she doesn’t like it and will hit him. It’s a pretty simple warning that the wise would heed.


So what does he do?


Yup, plays with her back leg.


Predictably he gets a furry punch in response.


Unperturbed, he continues to goad her and touch her back legs again, and she gives him a proper clawing.


Still unperturbed, he continues to antagonise her by touching her back leg again: she digs both sets of front claws into his hand and proceeds to attempt to bite a chunk out of his knuckle.


Andy subsequently shows me his mutilated hand and expects me to sympathise and/ or chastise my Princess.


Sorry duckie – not going to happen!


M x

Mundane Things That 'Tifa Does That Delight Me

Posted on December 2, 2010 at 8:50 PM Comments comments (0)

One thing that I did manage to do over November whilst writing my novel (and I do use the term 'novel' rather than 'mess' with a certain amount of irony) was update the Q&L Twitter. I like Twitter because it allows me to feel like I’m still doing Q&L justice by at least writing regularly on the microblog when I haven’t got time to write on the actual blog: it’s a poor substitute, I’ll grant you, but it’s better than nothing, right?


Over the course of November, I did a series of tweets that I entitled ‘Mundane Things That ‘Tifa Does That Delight Mark’. It’s true that ‘Tifa really doesn’t have to do very much to make me full of glee, and I enjoyed coming up with the list as a mini-break from my novel writings. Seeing as not all my readers follow me on Twitter, I thought that I might reproduce the list (posted roughly at a rate of one every other day during November) for those people here.


  1. Squints when the sun gets in her eyes.
  2. Does big yawns after waking up from a sleep.
  3. Laps milk noisily (and yes, it's the special cat milk).
  4. Curiousness around any new items in the flat.
  5. If you leave a cupboard or wardrobe door open, she will rub her face on it.
  6. Meows loudly to announce her presence as she enters a room.
  7. Purrs when cuddled.
  8. Sits in my lap while I watch the telly.
  9. Sits in her predictable, favourite places around the flat.
  10. Follows me around the flat when she thinks there's a chance of me giving her treats.
  11. Cocks her head to acknowledge me when I enters a room where she is sitting.
  12. Gets very, very excited when it's feeding time.
  13. Goes crazy for anything that dangles even slightly.
  14. Sprawls in front of the electric heater.


Love that cat: even reproducing this silly list has made me all warm and happy inside!


Have fun,


M x

Silver Jubilee

Posted on October 3, 2010 at 4:27 PM Comments comments (0)

Since I got 'Tifa, I have been monitoring who she dishes out furry punches to when she's had enough fuss. I even wrote a list of who she's bopped, with plans of potentially writing a blog entry with statistics on whether she prefers to bop boys or girls, gay people or straight people, young people or old people, &c. I was thinking pie charts actually! I still intend to do that particular blog, but recently 'Tifa made something of a milestone: 25 people bopped! It's her Silver Jubilee!


I present to you 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee 'hit list':


  1. Mark (me!)
  2. Sue (my mom!)
  3. Laura (my brother's girlfriend)
  4. Philip
  5. Dan
  6. JT
  7. Lisa
  8. Rob
  9. Ryan
  10. Jonathon
  11. Bec
  12. Gareth
  13. Chris
  14. Craig
  15. Neil
  16. Oli
  17. Claire
  18. Stephen
  19. Clive
  20. Sara
  21. Susie (the manager of the local RSPCA!)
  22. Aaron
  23. Dave
  24. Dunkan
  25. Paul


Considering that I've had her just shy of two years (20 months to be precise), that's an average of more than one person bopped a month. This doesn't include repeat boppery either as I've lost count how many times she's bopped me and there's people on the list that've also been bopped on more than one occassion. She definitely dishes out those bops!


You will notice that I have also discounted The Jamie from this list because, as yet, she hasn't actually bopped him merely terrorised him and attacked his knitting rather than him as a person.


So raise you glass in celebration of 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee!


Have fun,


M x

Knitty Kitty

Posted on September 8, 2010 at 11:38 PM Comments comments (0)

With a title like 'knitty kitty', I suspect you've got an idea about what this blog entry is about. You're probably right.


Both The Jamie (my boyfriend) and I have knitting projects at the moment. The Jamie is making a very long scarf a la Tom Baker's Doctor Who for the Winter, and I'm working on a necktie a la Colin Baker's Doctor Who got a fancy dress costume. Our coolness knows no bounds, but that's beside the point.


Stereotypically, cats really like wool. 'Tifa is clearly a stereotype.


So... As I'm sure you've worked out, there is an unfortunate clash here.


The Jamie and I were sat in front of the telly last weekend, innocently getting on with our knitting whilst watching the telly. A loud 'meow' from 'Tifa announced her arrival into the room, and I fear my giggle at Jamie's exasperation at her arrival was not the most appropriate reaction that I could have had. Past experience of terrorisation had made Jamie justifiably cautious. True to form of making his life miserable in a way that amuses me, 'Tifa immediately went for his knitting. Poor Jamie was horrifed and ineffectually attempted to brush her away whilst attempting to be subtle as to not encourage a clawing. I am made of sterner stuff and batted her away. We earned a hiss for our troubles. I don't like it when she hisses at me because, as she only does it very occassionally when upset, you know you've really annoyed her when she does it.


'Tifa really likes wool when it is being knitted. It is pretty much impossible to knit if the diva is in the room as she'll go for your knitting. And by 'go for', I mean really pounce and attack and go nuts. Poor Jamie: imagine the horror one must experience when something that you're desperately allergic to actually goes for you!


In an attempt to distract the kitty away from our precious knitting projects, I cut off some wool and dangled it in front of her. She went absolutely crazy enthusiastic for it. More so than any other dangley toy that I've ever used (and she goes pretty mad for them, I can tell you). She was loving it (and so was I to be honest - she was so cute going all nutty for the wool!). However, as soon as I wasn't dangling it and dropped it on the floor, she was instantly indifferent to it and went back to wanting to attack either The Jamie's or my knitting. Blooming awkward kitty!


As yet, I have come with no solution to 'Tifa obsession with my knitting other than stop knitting when she is in the room. Even that isn't enough sometimes and my knitting has to be put on a high shelf out of attack range.


As it's so very cute, I can't be annoyed with the diva's obsession with my knitting. I'm not so sure that the same can be said for The Jamie!


Have fun,


M x

Terrorising The Allergic

Posted on August 4, 2010 at 11:27 PM Comments comments (2)

'Tifa, bless her, likes people. If there's a group of people in my living room (as there often is: I like to invite people around my place for a social gathering), she'll leave it half an hour or so, and then with a big meow will announce her arrival to the social occassion. It's very much like when the belle of the ball was formally announced with a grand entrance in Jane Austen times.


She will then immediately make a beeline for someone with allergies. It's uncanny. If there's someone in the group who's allergic to cats, without exception, they're the first person that she heads to. Always.


And I have no idea how she manages it. Perhaps it's a coincidence, but uncountable coincidences over 18 months seems somewhat unlikely to me. So then, is it a 6th sense coupled with a mischevious streak? Or maybe it's the demeanor of the allergic that attracts her to them: perhaps she likes fear!? I really am clueless as to how she does it, but she always does! It amuses me; it amuses the allergic perhaps a little less.


Until I had 'Tifa, I had no idea about the incredible amount of people that are allergic to cats. I have friends that will no longer come round my flat because they are so furiously, cripplingly allergic to cats. I have friends who're wary because of 'Tifa's allergic person radar. And I have my boyfriend is allergic to cats, who has to pop an antihistamine every time he comes round. 'Tifa really, really likes Jamie and regularly graces him with her presence demanding fuss, rubbing herself on him, or sitting on him. Obviously, Jamie appreciates this blessing of her gracious company (and in no way just does it to humour me, I'm sure!).


Incidentally, if there's noone with allergies present, she immediately heads to a gay man. Clever girls knows where the big time fusses are to be gained as an alternative to the joy of terrorising the allergic.


My cat is awesome.  


M x


Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:46 PM Comments comments (1)



I bought some food for the diva from Sainsbury's when I went for some supplies earlier this weekend. I normally buy Sainsbury's own brand, but there were extra Nectar points for Whiskas and I'm a sucker for Nectar points!


I arrived home, dumped my bags, and quickly went for a pee. When I returned to my shopping, no more than two minutes later, I was greeted by this:




"Foolish queen!" *rrrrrrip* "NOM!"



Despite the fact that there was plenty of Sainsbury's dry food in the diva's bowl, she still made a beeline for the Whiskas! What an absolute diva!


M x 

Thoroughly Deserved!

Posted on May 4, 2010 at 10:20 PM Comments comments (0)

Look what the diva did:








I know my cat. As such, I know when she's had enough of fusses. She will let you know with a furry punch when she's had enough, however, because I can tell when she's had enough, she always misses me.


Not this time.


The huge difference is that I know perfectly well that once the diva is sat down and settled, she doesn't want to be messed with. Ignoring this knowledge, I decided to fuss her anyway because I wanted to fuss her. And I wasn't quite ready for the backlash. I thoroughly deserved it for being so stupid though...


M x

The Difference Between Me and JT

Posted on March 11, 2010 at 10:41 PM Comments comments (0)

My cat is nothing if not predictable. Having had JT in the flat for nearly three weeks now, she has started to treat him like she treats me!


  • If JT is awake before I am, she follows him meowing for food and attention.
  • If JT gets home before I do, she greets him upon arrival and meows at him in the hope of getting treats.
  • If JT is sat watching the telly, she saunters up and joins him in the hope of cuddles.
  • If JT is about and she wants entertainment/ fuss, she pesters him.


In all of these instances, the steadfast chap that he is, JT utterly ignores her. Something that I could never do! I don't know whether to admire his resolve, or tell him off and insist that he treat Little Miss Meow Meow like the Princess that she clearly is!


M x

Latifa = Gentle?

Posted on January 19, 2010 at 12:06 PM Comments comments (0)

I was in the pub last night, and as usual, I was talking about my diva kitty. One of my friends informed me that the name Latifa means 'gentle'.


So I researched this on t'internet, and this is what came up on the first baby name website recommended by google:



According to babynames site Thinkbabynames.com, the girl's name Latifa\l(a)-ti-fa\ is a variant of Latifah (Arabic), and the meaning of Latifa is "gentle, pleasant".

The baby name Latifa sounds like Latiffa and Lateifa. Other similar baby names are Latina and Natifa.

Latifa is an uncommon first name for women and an equally uncommon last name for both men and women. (1990 U.S. Census)


Displayed below is the baby name popularity trend for the girl name Latifa.




Considering the diva kitty's less than mild temperament and tendancy to punch all of my friends, the meaning of her name amused me.


Have fun,


M x

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