Queen and Latifa


Don't Mess With The Lady Of The House!

Posted on March 7, 2011 at 6:48 PM Comments comments (0)

My friend Andy is crashing at mine for a fortnight or so, and I warned him about ‘Tifa’s ways and that while he’s staying, it’s very much her home that he is the guest in, not mine. Some friends tend to doubt some of the stuff that I’ve posted on this blog over the years, suggesting that I exaggerate ‘Tifa’s temperament for cheap laughs or that she ‘really isn’t as much of a diva as you portray’. I promise that I don’t.


One particular warning that I gave Andy was that he shouldn’t touch her back legs because she doesn’t like it and will hit him. It’s a pretty simple warning that the wise would heed.


So what does he do?


Yup, plays with her back leg.


Predictably he gets a furry punch in response.


Unperturbed, he continues to goad her and touch her back legs again, and she gives him a proper clawing.


Still unperturbed, he continues to antagonise her by touching her back leg again: she digs both sets of front claws into his hand and proceeds to attempt to bite a chunk out of his knuckle.


Andy subsequently shows me his mutilated hand and expects me to sympathise and/ or chastise my Princess.


Sorry duckie – not going to happen!


M x

Silver Jubilee

Posted on October 3, 2010 at 4:27 PM Comments comments (0)

Since I got 'Tifa, I have been monitoring who she dishes out furry punches to when she's had enough fuss. I even wrote a list of who she's bopped, with plans of potentially writing a blog entry with statistics on whether she prefers to bop boys or girls, gay people or straight people, young people or old people, &c. I was thinking pie charts actually! I still intend to do that particular blog, but recently 'Tifa made something of a milestone: 25 people bopped! It's her Silver Jubilee!


I present to you 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee 'hit list':


  1. Mark (me!)
  2. Sue (my mom!)
  3. Laura (my brother's girlfriend)
  4. Philip
  5. Dan
  6. JT
  7. Lisa
  8. Rob
  9. Ryan
  10. Jonathon
  11. Bec
  12. Gareth
  13. Chris
  14. Craig
  15. Neil
  16. Oli
  17. Claire
  18. Stephen
  19. Clive
  20. Sara
  21. Susie (the manager of the local RSPCA!)
  22. Aaron
  23. Dave
  24. Dunkan
  25. Paul


Considering that I've had her just shy of two years (20 months to be precise), that's an average of more than one person bopped a month. This doesn't include repeat boppery either as I've lost count how many times she's bopped me and there's people on the list that've also been bopped on more than one occassion. She definitely dishes out those bops!


You will notice that I have also discounted The Jamie from this list because, as yet, she hasn't actually bopped him merely terrorised him and attacked his knitting rather than him as a person.


So raise you glass in celebration of 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee!


Have fun,


M x


Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:46 PM Comments comments (1)



I bought some food for the diva from Sainsbury's when I went for some supplies earlier this weekend. I normally buy Sainsbury's own brand, but there were extra Nectar points for Whiskas and I'm a sucker for Nectar points!


I arrived home, dumped my bags, and quickly went for a pee. When I returned to my shopping, no more than two minutes later, I was greeted by this:




"Foolish queen!" *rrrrrrip* "NOM!"



Despite the fact that there was plenty of Sainsbury's dry food in the diva's bowl, she still made a beeline for the Whiskas! What an absolute diva!


M x 

Thoroughly Deserved!

Posted on May 4, 2010 at 10:20 PM Comments comments (0)

Look what the diva did:








I know my cat. As such, I know when she's had enough of fusses. She will let you know with a furry punch when she's had enough, however, because I can tell when she's had enough, she always misses me.


Not this time.


The huge difference is that I know perfectly well that once the diva is sat down and settled, she doesn't want to be messed with. Ignoring this knowledge, I decided to fuss her anyway because I wanted to fuss her. And I wasn't quite ready for the backlash. I thoroughly deserved it for being so stupid though...


M x


Posted on August 19, 2009 at 10:50 PM Comments comments (0)

I'm not very good at it.


I've been told that some people flick their kitty's nose when s/he does something naughty as a form of discipline so that the cat know that it was bad and associates it with badness happening to them. Thing is, I'm really not sure personally that I agree with this practice. Smacking a child does no permanent physical damage, but it's still not a nice thing to do to a defenceless person whom the parent is clearly stronger than. Is this all that different from flicking a cat's nose? It's not a nice thing to do to a defenceless animal that the owner is clearly stronger than.


'Tifa is oftentimes naughty, but rarely to the point where I might consider it needs physical behavioural treatment. However, the other day she was sat in my lap, and totally randomly leapt up, grabbed my arm with both paws, and dug her claws in scratching a couple of three inch long lacerations down my arm. With hindsight, it was probably playful and I misconstrued it as aggressive, because on inspection after the event, the cuts weren't very deep at all. However, the shock and initial pain made me quite upset, and the idea of flicking her nose came into my head.


So I hovered my hand in front of her as I contemplated whether or not I actually agree with this practice. I decided that I didn't, and was mildly ashamed at even thinking about it. However, I was punished for my bad thoughts by the diva kitty: she swiped at me and took a chunk out of my palm. And to be honest, I think I deserved it: flicking my Princess's nose is not my style, and after this incident, I sincerely doubt that even the thought of it will enter my head again.


M x

Alas, Poor Bob

Posted on August 10, 2009 at 11:23 PM Comments comments (0)

Remember Bob?

Bob is the cat toy that 'Tifa loves to give a good kicking.


I arrived home this evening to discover this:



The Diva Kitty is clearly proud of her achievement!




Poor Bob!




In the space of two weeks, 'Tifa has managed to disembowel poor old Bob. I'd use the term 'long suffering' to describe Bob, but realistically, he has been abused so constantly over the last couple of weeks, that 'frequently' is probably more apt that 'long'. At least he's been put out his misery now, right?


Actually, no.


After I threw away the stuffing, 'Tifa still loves to give the empty 'skin' of poor Bob a kicking, and continues to abuse him! It appears that his torture is far from over.


Poor Bob!


M x


Posted on July 31, 2009 at 11:32 PM Comments comments (1)

Meet Bob:







I purchased Bob on a whim last weekend when I was in Wilkos for more cat litter, and I walked past the toys and treats. I named him Bob as a whim too. After I bought Bob, I scolded myself because 'Tifa isn't bothered by cat toys other than the fishing rod interactive type ones, and she'd ignore Bob. Or so I thought.


I presented 'Tifa with Bob (who has a chord that if you pull, he'll speed off along the floor). She eyed him up momentarily and then pounced on him! I looked on incredulously: since when did she like toys like this? Still, it at least meant that Bob wasn't a waste of 99p.


Over the last week, 'Tifa has decided that she really likes Bob. She thoroughly enjoys giving Bob a damned good kicking. Bob has been whacked and clawed and kicked and tossed across the whole flat. I keep finding Bob in different rooms: every time I stop paying attention or go out, he's been beaten up and chased into another room! It's very cute when 'Tifa gets Bob stuck in her claws and shakes him off like a comedy cartoon crab on someone's finger. When she does this and Bob finally comes unstuck, she wangs him incredibly far distances and this amuses me.


I wonder why 'Tifa likes Bob so much? Bob is larger than any other cat toy of a similar type that she's ever had, so that might be it? Maybe he has catnip inside him? Perhaps the shape of him, which lends itself to bouncing about when he is wanged, is what makes him appealing? Or is it simply because he has a cute, squished up face?


Whatever the reason for my kitty liking Bob, I'm pleased that 'Tifa has a new 'friend'. But poor old Bob!


M x

Ping Pong Ball Indifference

Posted on June 29, 2009 at 7:03 PM Comments comments (1)

I'm posting another vid because people have said to me how much they enjoyed the last one.


A few weeks after adopting her (and before I realised that the only cat toy she was interested in was the interactive fishing rod thing), I was sat in my front room with 'Tifa. I wanted to play and thought that she might like to chase a ping pong ball. 'Tifa had other ideas.



You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.




I like this video: it's pretty indicative of our relationship as a whole...


M x


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