Queen and Latifa

I have been somewhat perplexed recently as to why it might be that it takes me so long to get ready for a night out these days. It seems that since I adopted 'Tifa, I take nearly twice as long to get ready as I did before and I can't think of any reason why. So I've decided to come up with two lists detailing what I did to get ready before 'Tifa and what I do now to see if this can shed any light. So, here goes...

Before Kitty

• Shower
• Brush teeth
• Shave face
• Shave head
• Trim chest hair
• Cut nails
• Pick outfit
• Aftershave
• Pose in front of mirror

Since Acquisition Of Kitty

• Shower
• Fuss over kitty
• Brush teeth
• Stroke kitty
• Shave face
• Give kitty some cat treats
• Shave head
• Hug kitty
• Trim chest hair
• Blow kisses to the kitty
• Cut nails
• Check kitty's water bowl is full
• Pick outfit
• Play with the kitty using the dangley toy thing
• Aftershave
• Get all soppy over the kitty as I'm about to leave her
• Pose in front of mirror
• Fret about being late and wonder how it happened then rush out usually forgetting either my phone, brolley, glasses, MP3 player or something else important

Nope - I still can't put my finger on it. Perhaps I'll just have to chalk it down to it just being one of life's mysteries...

Have fun,

M x

Oh dear!

I am tired and I really want to go to bed, but I can't currently move from my computer chair. 'Tifa is sat in my lap, and she is settled and content, and I'll feel so mean if I move: it'll upset her! I hate upsetting my girl!

I've done everything that I wanted to do on World of Warcraft tonight and done Facebook to death. I daren't go on youtube or else I'll definitely still be on my computer for another hour plus. Did you know there is a facebook group called 'cat on lap syndrome' to raise awareness about my current condition? Well you do now. I should probably join it. I just did. That facebook group has 44 members. At least I know I'm not alone.

Oh no! She just fell asleep! Things have gone from bad to worse! I may well be here for quite a while! Youtube here I come...

M x

I'm not very good at it.

I've been told that some people flick their kitty's nose when s/he does something naughty as a form of discipline so that the cat know that it was bad and associates it with badness happening to them. Thing is, I'm really not sure personally that I agree with this practice. Smacking a child does no permanent physical damage, but it's still not a nice thing to do to a defenceless person whom the parent is clearly stronger than. Is this all that different from flicking a cat's nose? It's not a nice thing to do to a defenceless animal that the owner is clearly stronger than.

'Tifa is oftentimes naughty, but rarely to the point where I might consider it needs physical behavioural treatment. However, the other day she was sat in my lap, and totally randomly leapt up, grabbed my arm with both paws, and dug her claws in scratching a couple of three inch long lacerations down my arm. With hindsight, it was probably playful and I misconstrued it as aggressive, because on inspection after the event, the cuts weren't very deep at all. However, the shock and initial pain made me quite upset, and the idea of flicking her nose came into my head.

So I hovered my hand in front of her as I contemplated whether or not I actually agree with this practice. I decided that I didn't, and was mildly ashamed at even thinking about it. However, I was punished for my bad thoughts by the diva kitty: she swiped at me and took a chunk out of my palm. And to be honest, I think I deserved it: flicking my Princess's nose is not my style, and after this incident, I sincerely doubt that even the thought of it will enter my head again.

M x

'Tifa is a clever girl, particularly when it comes to attempting to get what she wants.

I keep cat treats in two places in the flat: behind the Doctor Who DVDs in the front room and underneath the 'guest' pillow in my bedroom. 'Tifa gets treats quite regularly because I am a giddy queen who spoils her. As such, she has worked out that when I reach under the pillow or behind the DVDs, she's getting something yummy. She gets all excited, meows lots, and bounds around: it's incredibly cute. She loves to nom the treats out of my hand too.

Thing is, now she knows where the treat locations are, she also wants to raid them. I find her pawing underneath the pillow in an attempt to get the treats from underneath and mooning by the Doctor Who DVDs. This isn't really a problem... Or it wasn't until kitty digging at the pillow woke me up. The other day, she was so adamant that I had to remove her from the bedroom. Unfortunately, in my sleepy haze, I didn't notice that she'd dug her claws into the pillowcase and it came with her when I picked her up. The pillow then knocked over a full glass of orange juice that I had left on my bedside table, and it went all over my wallet, watch, mobile phone, and a pile of books. At rubbish o'clock in the morning, it took an inordinate amount of time to clear that mess up. 'Tifa wasn't my princess at that particular moment, I can tell you...

Of course, the morning after, all was forgiven as she is my beautiful princess, and she got treats...

M x

What is it with me and cat litter?

I was changing the cat litter last weekend, and something particularly unpleasant happened. I emptied the old litter into an old Sainsbury's bag for disposal. I then picked it up to dispose of it down the chute. And there was a hole in the bag. A big hole. And it went all over the floor. And onto my feet. Into my slippers. Ew!

Ew, ew, ew!

EW!

I took me three times as long to sort out the cat litter that day.

'Tifa came in at one point, looked at the mess, meowed, turned her nose up, and left again. Bless her - I reckon, like you probably are, she was amused by my misfortune.

M x

I'm posting another vid because people have said to me how much they enjoyed the last one.

A few weeks after adopting her (and before I realised that the only cat toy she was interested in was the interactive fishing rod thing), I was sat in my front room with 'Tifa. I wanted to play and thought that she might like to chase a ping pong ball. 'Tifa had other ideas.

I like this video: it's pretty indicative of our relationship as a whole...

M x

'Tifa and I have had a disagreement.

I thought that the computer chair was mine, but clearly, it's her's. She has been meowing and hitting me and jumping on the keyboard and sitting right in front of the screen and generally being a nuisance. A cute and pretty nuisance, but still a nuisance.

So she's got the chair, and I've wheeled her away from the PC.

I'd write more about this constant conflict of who should be allowed to sit on the computer chair, but it really is quite ridiculous to be updating my blog standing up...

I'm going to bed to read my book: I give up on the tinterwebs for the night.

Diva kitty!

M x 

My friend Philip came my place the other day, and we ended up drinking a little too much booze for him to safely drive home. As such he crashed at mine.

So I went to bed as normal, and Philip was on the sofabed in the front room.

Now, 'Tifa will always sleep either on the computer chair in my bedroom or will actually join me and sleep on my feet (quite why she chooses what is quite probably the most minging part of my body is beyond me, but hey). I like this: it makes me happy to know that she wants to sleep in the same place as me and is actually quite fond of me despite her contrary divaness.

But when Philip stayed over, she slept with him on the sofa.

Mean, floozy kitty!

M x

My dad quite clearly thinks that I'm going to be a sad, lonely spinster for the rest of my life!

I was chatting to my dad on the phone the other day, and as is a regular occurance for me, I started blithering about how fabulous my princess is. And then my dad said the immortal words 'she's a good companion for you'. In other words, you live on your own, you're peculiar to the point of being fundamentally unlovable, you don't have a boyfriend, and I don't expect you to ever get one, so it's good you have a cat so that you don't get lonely and sad: at least you'll have a cat in your solitary hermitude.

Oh dear. He's wrong of course. Right?

Oh dear...

M x

I adore my cat, but I also adore my lie ins at the weekend. It appears that they are at odds...

'Tifa has learned that, as soon as I get up out of bed, she gets fed. This, of course, means that she gets fed relatively regimentedly on week days as I have to go to work and only have a finite amount of leeway with regards to what time I can get up at to get into work on time. At weekends, I like to sleep. Sleep is nice. Sleep is good.

So, at weekends, 'Tifa gets fed a little later because I allow myself the luxery of a lie in. Diva kitty, predictably, does not particularly like this. Last week, she was brave enough to come into my bedroom and sit on my head to wake me up. Predictably, this woke me up with a start and scared the hell out of me so I shouted out, flailed, and scared the poor kitty. She still got fed though, so her plan worked.

Today, clever kitty has obviously worked out that sitting on me to wake me is a bad idea. However, she was hungry and feeling selfish, so something clearly had to be done. So, she hops onto the bed, stands right next to my head, and...

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow"

Seriously, it must have been 5 minutes worth of constant meowing. Clever puss has obviously surmised that meowing will wake me up less startlingly, and continued meow nagging will ensure I get up and give her what she wants! She was, of course, right.

Alarm clock kitty!

Despite my having to get up earlier than I may have wanted, it's still kind of adorable, isn't it? Bloomin' cat is so pretty and makes me so happy - she knows I'll never be angry with her for long.

M x