Queen and Latifa


Don't Mess With The Lady Of The House!

Posted on March 7, 2011 at 6:48 PM Comments comments (0)

My friend Andy is crashing at mine for a fortnight or so, and I warned him about ‘Tifa’s ways and that while he’s staying, it’s very much her home that he is the guest in, not mine. Some friends tend to doubt some of the stuff that I’ve posted on this blog over the years, suggesting that I exaggerate ‘Tifa’s temperament for cheap laughs or that she ‘really isn’t as much of a diva as you portray’. I promise that I don’t.


One particular warning that I gave Andy was that he shouldn’t touch her back legs because she doesn’t like it and will hit him. It’s a pretty simple warning that the wise would heed.


So what does he do?


Yup, plays with her back leg.


Predictably he gets a furry punch in response.


Unperturbed, he continues to goad her and touch her back legs again, and she gives him a proper clawing.


Still unperturbed, he continues to antagonise her by touching her back leg again: she digs both sets of front claws into his hand and proceeds to attempt to bite a chunk out of his knuckle.


Andy subsequently shows me his mutilated hand and expects me to sympathise and/ or chastise my Princess.


Sorry duckie – not going to happen!


M x

Silver Jubilee

Posted on October 3, 2010 at 4:27 PM Comments comments (0)

Since I got 'Tifa, I have been monitoring who she dishes out furry punches to when she's had enough fuss. I even wrote a list of who she's bopped, with plans of potentially writing a blog entry with statistics on whether she prefers to bop boys or girls, gay people or straight people, young people or old people, &c. I was thinking pie charts actually! I still intend to do that particular blog, but recently 'Tifa made something of a milestone: 25 people bopped! It's her Silver Jubilee!


I present to you 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee 'hit list':


  1. Mark (me!)
  2. Sue (my mom!)
  3. Laura (my brother's girlfriend)
  4. Philip
  5. Dan
  6. JT
  7. Lisa
  8. Rob
  9. Ryan
  10. Jonathon
  11. Bec
  12. Gareth
  13. Chris
  14. Craig
  15. Neil
  16. Oli
  17. Claire
  18. Stephen
  19. Clive
  20. Sara
  21. Susie (the manager of the local RSPCA!)
  22. Aaron
  23. Dave
  24. Dunkan
  25. Paul


Considering that I've had her just shy of two years (20 months to be precise), that's an average of more than one person bopped a month. This doesn't include repeat boppery either as I've lost count how many times she's bopped me and there's people on the list that've also been bopped on more than one occassion. She definitely dishes out those bops!


You will notice that I have also discounted The Jamie from this list because, as yet, she hasn't actually bopped him merely terrorised him and attacked his knitting rather than him as a person.


So raise you glass in celebration of 'Tifa's Silver Jubilee!


Have fun,


M x

Knitty Kitty

Posted on September 8, 2010 at 11:38 PM Comments comments (0)

With a title like 'knitty kitty', I suspect you've got an idea about what this blog entry is about. You're probably right.


Both The Jamie (my boyfriend) and I have knitting projects at the moment. The Jamie is making a very long scarf a la Tom Baker's Doctor Who for the Winter, and I'm working on a necktie a la Colin Baker's Doctor Who got a fancy dress costume. Our coolness knows no bounds, but that's beside the point.


Stereotypically, cats really like wool. 'Tifa is clearly a stereotype.


So... As I'm sure you've worked out, there is an unfortunate clash here.


The Jamie and I were sat in front of the telly last weekend, innocently getting on with our knitting whilst watching the telly. A loud 'meow' from 'Tifa announced her arrival into the room, and I fear my giggle at Jamie's exasperation at her arrival was not the most appropriate reaction that I could have had. Past experience of terrorisation had made Jamie justifiably cautious. True to form of making his life miserable in a way that amuses me, 'Tifa immediately went for his knitting. Poor Jamie was horrifed and ineffectually attempted to brush her away whilst attempting to be subtle as to not encourage a clawing. I am made of sterner stuff and batted her away. We earned a hiss for our troubles. I don't like it when she hisses at me because, as she only does it very occassionally when upset, you know you've really annoyed her when she does it.


'Tifa really likes wool when it is being knitted. It is pretty much impossible to knit if the diva is in the room as she'll go for your knitting. And by 'go for', I mean really pounce and attack and go nuts. Poor Jamie: imagine the horror one must experience when something that you're desperately allergic to actually goes for you!


In an attempt to distract the kitty away from our precious knitting projects, I cut off some wool and dangled it in front of her. She went absolutely crazy enthusiastic for it. More so than any other dangley toy that I've ever used (and she goes pretty mad for them, I can tell you). She was loving it (and so was I to be honest - she was so cute going all nutty for the wool!). However, as soon as I wasn't dangling it and dropped it on the floor, she was instantly indifferent to it and went back to wanting to attack either The Jamie's or my knitting. Blooming awkward kitty!


As yet, I have come with no solution to 'Tifa obsession with my knitting other than stop knitting when she is in the room. Even that isn't enough sometimes and my knitting has to be put on a high shelf out of attack range.


As it's so very cute, I can't be annoyed with the diva's obsession with my knitting. I'm not so sure that the same can be said for The Jamie!


Have fun,


M x

Wardrobe Kitteh

Posted on April 25, 2010 at 9:27 PM Comments comments (1)

I love it when 'Tifa surprises me:




Wardrobe Kitteh is watching you!




First thing I'd like to point out is: no, I didn't put her there. As if she'd let me put her anywhere she didn't want to be put!

She actually managed to get there utilising a particularly agile leap for such an old lady from my bed which is 3ft below and 2 ft away from the wardrobe shelf. Had I not seen her actually do it, I'd not have thought that such a feat was possible: particularly with the accuracy she manages.


The first time she did this, I didn't spot that she was there, and as such, closed the doors on her! It scared the living daylights out of me when I heard a yowl, some scratchings, and then suddenly saw a cat come flying from out of the wardrobe doors! I don't mind admitting that I screamed like a girl!


After that incident, I always make sure she's not there before closing my wardrobe!


Thing is, she has decided that it's one of her 'places' now alongside her side of the sofa, the living room windowsill, my lap when I'm sleeping, and the computer chair. So as soon as the wardrobe is open, she goes for it. It's even got to the point where she's clocked that if I've got the ironing board out, the wardrobe is going to be open. Without fail, if I'm ironing, Little Miss Meow Meow is sat chilling in the wardrobe on my jeans! And, much to my chagrin, she is an absolute horror if I try and move her once she's there: wriggly, grumpy, claw happy old diva!


My cat is certainly one of a kind!


M x


Posted on December 20, 2009 at 11:42 PM Comments comments (0)

 A few weeks back, someone linked this youtube video to my facebook profile (please note that there are non-family friendly words in this video):



You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.



As you do when someone sends you a link that they think you'll find funny, you click on it. I did, and I did indeed find said video amusing.


However, within seconds of the sound of another cat going on in her 'territory' (Chez Q&L), 'Tifa had bounded into the bedroom (where the PC is) and was hissing and screaming and bouncing off the walls.


Whoops! I clearly need to be more careful of the kitty related things I access in the diva kitty's flat!


M x 

Mad Cat!

Posted on August 16, 2009 at 11:32 PM Comments comments (0)

Well, I certainly didn't deserve the abuse that I just got!


There I was sat merrily playing World of Warcraft, minding my own business. The Diva Kitty come up, growled, hit me on the ankle, and then bounded off!


I had done nothing to deserve such abuse!


Mean kitty!


And since when does she growl?! I've had said Diva Kitty for 6 months now, and this is the first time she has ever growled at me!

To be fair, I wasn't even aware that kitties could growl.


I might go and have a little cry...


M x

Poor Choice of Treat Locations

Posted on July 25, 2009 at 11:07 PM Comments comments (3)

'Tifa is a clever girl, particularly when it comes to attempting to get what she wants.


I keep cat treats in two places in the flat: behind the Doctor Who DVDs in the front room and underneath the 'guest' pillow in my bedroom. 'Tifa gets treats quite regularly because I am a giddy queen who spoils her. As such, she has worked out that when I reach under the pillow or behind the DVDs, she's getting something yummy. She gets all excited, meows lots, and bounds around: it's incredibly cute. She loves to nom the treats out of my hand too.


Thing is, now she knows where the treat locations are, she also wants to raid them. I find her pawing underneath the pillow in an attempt to get the treats from underneath and mooning by the Doctor Who DVDs. This isn't really a problem... Or it wasn't until kitty digging at the pillow woke me up. The other day, she was so adamant that I had to remove her from the bedroom. Unfortunately, in my sleepy haze, I didn't notice that she'd dug her claws into the pillowcase and it came with her when I picked her up. The pillow then knocked over a full glass of orange juice that I had left on my bedside table, and it went all over my wallet, watch, mobile phone, and a pile of books. At rubbish o'clock in the morning, it took an inordinate amount of time to clear that mess up. 'Tifa wasn't my princess at that particular moment, I can tell you...


Of course, the morning after, all was forgiven as she is my beautiful princess, and she got treats...


M x

Blogging Standing Up

Posted on June 16, 2009 at 11:39 PM Comments comments (0)

'Tifa and I have had a disagreement.


I thought that the computer chair was mine, but clearly, it's her's. She has been meowing and hitting me and jumping on the keyboard and sitting right in front of the screen and generally being a nuisance. A cute and pretty nuisance, but still a nuisance.


So she's got the chair, and I've wheeled her away from the PC.


I'd write more about this constant conflict of who should be allowed to sit on the computer chair, but it really is quite ridiculous to be updating my blog standing up...


I'm going to bed to read my book: I give up on the tinterwebs for the night.


Diva kitty!


M x 

Teso Dos Bichos

Posted on June 12, 2009 at 9:25 PM Comments comments (2)

No, I don't speak Portuguese - it's the title of an episode of The X-Files.


When I adopted 'Tifa, I was told a little of her back story. She was an old lady's cat and never left the house, but the old lady sadly passed away. The old lady's family took her in, but there was a significant problem: 'Tifa really doesn't get on with other cats, and she started duffing up their cat. The family made the difficult decision to take her to the RSPCA as a rescue cat because, obviously, the cat fights couldn't continue.


So when I adopted 'Tifa, I was strongly advised by the RSPCA that I shouldn't adopt another cat because it was highly likely that she would attack them. This was something that I thought would never be a problem: I only wanted one cat and she was to live exclusively in my flat and as such would never encounter another cat again. Of course, things are never as simple as one expects them to be with the diva kitty.


I'm working my way through The X-Files from the first episode of season 1 to the last episode of season 10, and am currently on season 3. Episode 18 of season 3 is called Teso Dos Bichos, and it isn't a particularly popular episode with fans I have have subsequently discovered (I can see why - it is a bit pants to be honest), but I'm a completist and fully intend to watch the whole series from start to finish. The episode has lots of cats in it. Lots of howling, hissing, hostile cats in it. Oh dear.


'Tifa went absolutely berserk! I've never seen her so angry and crazy (even during grooming glove moments). It was actually a little scary: you can sometimes forget the feral nature of your puss because they trust you and treat you like a friend. She was really going for it, and was sat there yowling and hissing at the telly, and bounding around like a proper wildcat. I ended up having to pause the programme and ensure that she was locked out of the room before I finished watching it (on very low volume, I might add!).


Poor kitty: you don't generally think that you'll upset your kitty just by putting on a DVD!


M x

Classy Kitty

Posted on June 3, 2009 at 11:58 PM Comments comments (0)

For a girl so divalicious, 'Tifa can be as common as muck...


When my friend Philip was round my place recently, 'Tifa was doing her usual friendly thing of coming into the room where we were and meowing at us until she got attention and cuddles. She suddenly rushed off with no warning. We speculated that she was off for a call of nature. A minute or so later, she returned and proceeded to use her front paws to propel herself across from one side of the rug to the other on her bum with her back legs in the air. She then proceeded to lick the same area.


Upon checking, she had indeed paid the litter a visit. So she was blatantly wiping her backside right in front of Philip and me.




M x