Queen and Latifa


Fizzy Kitty

Posted on October 20, 2009 at 11:32 PM Comments comments (2)

Does anyone remember Swizzels Fizzers?





For those of you that didn't grow up in the 80s, these sweets were particularly popular in Britain during that period. They are fizzy, slightly chalky sweets that, as a kid, I was particularly fond of. As is somewhat common amongst most thirty somethings, for me, 80s retro is a guilty pleasure and a special indulgence. As such, when I saw a big pack of Swizzels sweets (predominantly full of stuff, such as Fizzers, that I would personally consider 80s sweets) in Sainsburys the other day, I added it to my basket on a whim.


So there I was later that evening eating from my bag of retro sweets including such classics as Drumsticks, Mr Chews, and Fizzers, and as is 'Tifa's norm, when she saw I was eating, she wanted some. So up she comes, meowing and tromping all over my lap, begging for people food. She will leave cat food for hours on end before eating it, but as soon as there is an opportunity for people food, she all over you, begging for some.


In the past, 'Tifa has enjoyed, amongst many others, cheddar, Fray Bentos pie, pate, fish fingers, and lasagne. She has rejected, amongst many other things, chocolate, haribo, and pineapple after giving them a try. So to get rid of her, I put a fizzer in front of her, knowing that she wouldn't like it given her track record with sweet things. And as usual, she gave it a quick, cautionary, taster lick. It turns out that the diva kitty wasn't quite ready for fizziness on her tongue, and she pulled a hilarious scrunged up face, whacked the offending fizzer across the room, scowled at me, and darted off.


It's rare I get one up on my cat, and I know I should have felt guilty for inflicting freakout fizzy tongue on my poor unsuspecting princess, but I did laugh! Poor 'Tifa!


M x

So True!

Posted on September 9, 2009 at 3:13 AM Comments comments (0)

So far, since getting 'Tifa, I have only met one person to whom this graph does not seem to apply.







That person is my dad. Love you, Pops, but you've been rumbled: we all know that you want to be inane around cats, you just have more willpower than the rest of us!


This comic, which is so delightfully appropriate for Q&L, is from the sublime XKCD webcomic, and was bought to my attention by my friend Chris.


M x

Too Cute To Be Naughty

Posted on June 23, 2009 at 5:57 PM Comments comments (4)

 My kitty is so adorable, even when she's a cheeky minx!


I was watching some telly on my PC last night, and as is my norm whilst watching telly, I was pottering about getting some tidying and housework done as I watched. I had poured myself a jumbo mug of milk because I like milk and a jumbo mug is clearly a better option than a standard mug. It was all very dull and domestic.


While I'm pottering, 'Tifa likes to sit in the same room and watch me. I am used to this and sometimes flash her a grin or wave to which she usually responds with complete indifference. So, as usual, she was sat there at the end of the bed being all indolent and haughty.


I put my jumbo mug down on the desk for less than 20 seconds to pop and hang up a jacket in the next room, and look what I saw when I returned:



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Cheeky diva! Clearly, she was being naughty, but it was so cute that I decided that videotaping her rather than admonishing her was the right choice!


How could I tell her off when she was being so damned cute?!


M x

Classy Kitty

Posted on June 3, 2009 at 11:58 PM Comments comments (0)

For a girl so divalicious, 'Tifa can be as common as muck...


When my friend Philip was round my place recently, 'Tifa was doing her usual friendly thing of coming into the room where we were and meowing at us until she got attention and cuddles. She suddenly rushed off with no warning. We speculated that she was off for a call of nature. A minute or so later, she returned and proceeded to use her front paws to propel herself across from one side of the rug to the other on her bum with her back legs in the air. She then proceeded to lick the same area.


Upon checking, she had indeed paid the litter a visit. So she was blatantly wiping her backside right in front of Philip and me.




M x

String Radar

Posted on May 31, 2009 at 7:13 PM Comments comments (0)

I really think that 'Tifa has a 6th sense for when I have some string.


The two times that I have been working with string since I got my kitty, she has, within seconds, arrived on the scene and disrupted me. I was making a fishing rod for a garden gnome outfit (long story - I have peculiar friends) in March and she was so into the string that I had to remove her from the room and shut the door. Then last week I was restringing a picture frame, and she was instantly there having a go at the string making it impossible to do what I was doing. Alas, kitty was once again removed and shut out.


On both occassions she'd been in the other room totally ignoring me until I got the string out. There was no way that she could visually know that I had string, yet she was there within seconds on both occassions. Seriously, the diva kitty has string radar: I'm convinced...


M x

Pink Paws

Posted on May 22, 2009 at 10:22 PM Comments comments (0)

Another incident with cat litter!


I recently changed the cat litter I use for 'Tifa. I decided that I would like to get something a bit classier that Sainsbury's Basics litter, and went to a local pet shop to get some better quality stuff. So I got a huge 30 litre bag of posh litter that has extra absorbancy, odour control, and various other whistles and bobbles.


So I started using the new litter, and, oh dear, we have encountered a problem. Unfortunately, I didn't read the small print on the packaging:

NOTE: This cat litter may leave a pink hue on white cats' paws. This is harmless and can be removed by cleaning.


So the diva kitty now has pink paws.


It may well be harmless, but I am NOT going to attempt to clean the diva kitty's paws. I value my life.


Pink bloomin' paws: could she be any more camp?! You couldn't make up that kind of thing.


What is it about 'Tifa and me and the cat litter?!


M x

A New Name for the Diva Kitty?

Posted on May 15, 2009 at 12:25 PM Comments comments (1)

Perhaps I need to change 'Tifa's name?


I have recently learned that David Hasselhoff is planning on visiting a dog named after him that saved its owner's life. I wonder if the lovely Orlando Bloom would be prepared to do the same for pets named after him as well?


I feel a plan brewing!


Step 1: Rename 'Tifa as Orlando.

Step 2: Get life-saved by 'Orlando'.

Step 3: Get BBC to cover story of heroic cat called Orlando saving owner.

Step 4: Sit back and wait for the phone call from the dishy Mr Bloom.

Step 5: Profit.

Queen and Orlando - that isn't quite as catchy as Queen and Latifa, I grant you, but sacrifices will have to be made for the greater good!


My plan is flawless!


M x


The Diva Kitty's 'Attention Smack'

Posted on April 29, 2009 at 11:14 PM Comments comments (0)

I am conscious of the fact that I regularly tell stories of how much of a diva my cat is, and I hope that it is clear that I not only approve of her diva antics, I find them amusing (and hope you do too), and love her all the more for her divaness. She is a genuinely adoreable kitty cat, a complete nutter, and my pride and joy. And her divaness is not always bitchy and/ or mean either - it can actually be incredibly cute and needy.


As 'Tifa is a flat cat, she is obviously always in when I get in from work/ going out/ whatever. Almost without fail, due to the noisy double lock (I do live in Salford after all) always waking her if she's asleep, she is always there to greet me when I get in. Firstly, it amazes me that she has absolutely no interest in 'the outside world' and has never attempted to get out of the front door when I get in. Secondly, she always looks up to me and gives me a hello meow. It is incredibly cute, and makes me grin every time, and I always say hello back.


Because I love her so much, I try to give her some cuddles as soon as possible when I get in. She likes the just got home cuddles. Depending on whether or not I am weighed down with stuff or have something immediate to do when I get in or whatever, I don't always manage to make just got home cuddles the first thing I do when I get in. This is not acceptable to the diva kitty. As far as she's concerned, my first priority once I've got in is to give her love.


Unfortunately, this is not always possible if one has been shopping or needs the loo or has a cute guy with you or whatever. 'Tifa's tolerance of this is roughly about 1 - 2 minutes. She will allow you to drop off shopping bags or whatever for a finite amount of time before becoming incensed. And you know when your time is up when she comes up to you and gives you what I call 'the attention smack' which is a cute little claws in bop to the ankle to quite clearly tell you that it's cuddle time. And I've never had the nerve to not immediately lavish her with strokes and tickles after the attention smack so I can't tell you what the consequences are if you ignore this. Death probably.


It's nice to know she misses me, even if she is an attention seeking diva about it!


M x

Spectacles are not a cat toy, puss!

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 12:14 PM Comments comments (0)

Silly puss!

I have previously mentioned that 'Tifa doesn't like any cat toys other than string. I have subsequently invested in a fab interactive cat toy which is a cute little fishing rod with a cuddley fish at the end. She loves it, and I love to play with her. Hooray for the diva kitty being lovely!

So, yes, she's not really interested in any other cat toys. So why in the world does the crazy kitty give my specs such attention if I take them off to read, and put them down to the side of me on the sofa? She bounds up, and goes right for them attacking them with the gusto she only usually reserves for the cuddley fish! Of all the things to be interested in, why does she have to be interested in my specs? I'd be utterly lost without them, so it's not like I can be laid back about her playing with them. She's incensed when I take them off her too. I've had to resort to keeping them in a case in a drawer overnight to stop her attacking them! It's just bizarre that nothing else ever interests her to play with except my specs!


Mad cat!

M x

No Legs Kitty!

Posted on April 20, 2009 at 12:01 PM Comments comments (0)

Friends of mine have an adorable cat called Boris who only has three legs due to an unfortunate incident when he was younger.


'Tifa, unlike Boris, is lucky enough to have four legs having not got into a fight with a combine harvester and losing. However, this picture seems to suggest otherwise:




"I may have no legs, but I can still kill you if you try and sit on MY chair!"




Where are the diva kitty's legs?! Oh no!


She reminds me of a novelty tea cosy that my nan used to have in the 80s in that picture. Well, an evil doppleganger of said tea cosy anyway...


M x